Remember how I said December was weird for me because I do this life analysis thing? I evaluate the year that has passed and begin planning the one to come, and the process is inherently angsty, full of conflicting emotions like pride, disappointment, gratitude, fear, optimism, regret.
Well, December is weird for another reason too.
This time of year, it’s hard not to be painfully aware of my financial situation, which isn’t great. Normally the reality of my (lack of) income manifests itself in workable ways – staying in instead of going out, going longer between haircuts, watching for sales. But in December, of course, I want to give more. I want to donate to worthy causes; find the perfect gifts for people I love; buy fresh, organic, locally grown, earth-animal-friendly everything; save every struggling indie bookstore and artist with my purchases.
All of that requires money I don’t have.
Enter Hannah Brencher’s 12 Days of Love Letter Writing. Hannah’s chosen 12 people who need some extra love and encouragement this holiday season, and she’s coordinating letter-writing campaigns for each of them. She asked if I would write a letter for one of her 12, blog about it, and invite others to write letters too. I fell instantly in love with the idea of all of us filling someone’s mailbox with love.
Without hesitation, I said yes, and Hannah sent me the story of Alenka, who, last year, was diagnosed with cancer. After five intense months of chemo, her cancer went into remission, only to come back three months later. Her doctors have said they’ve done what they can. Her daughter’s letter to Hannah, said this:
She’s in a very dark place sometimes… hopeful that something can be done and willing to fight, but also scared that time with her loved ones is coming to an end.”
When I read that, I felt panicky. I didn’t know what I could offer. I thought maybe it had been a mistake for me to say yes so quickly. Every night I tried to write her but was too daunted. Every day I thought about her. Every day I thought of writing back to Hannah and telling her the truth: I had nothing valuable to give to Alenka.
It was as I sat down finally to write that email – that terrible confession of inadequacy – that I realized I have exactly what I need. I have a heart that breaks for Alenka and her family, a heart that won’t let them go, a heart that wants desperately to connect to her, to give her what I can. All I can.
I have love and hope and paper and a pen.
The letter I wrote to Alenka took me two days to finish. I dug deep and wrote from my most naked, least polished place about love and surrender and presence and family. I told her she wasn’t alone, no matter how lonely and scared she undoubtedly felt. I told her the one thing that was absolutely clear to me is that she is loved, and those three words felt like the most powerful thing I could say to her. To anyone.
I’m sending my hand-written 2-page letter to Hannah today, on my birthday, and I have a request. I want you to write a letter of love and encouragement to Alenka too. It would mean a lot to me, and even more to her, and all for the price of a postage stamp. That’s amazing when you think about it.
Send your letter within a week of today to:
More Love Letters
Alenka’s bundle
PO Box 2061,
North Haven, CT 06473
“The only true gift is a portion of yourself.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks, you guys. (For everything.)
xo
Runaway
This was my exact reaction to giving this holiday season. My lack of income, as much as it’s not fun, makes me search for different ways of donating and volunteering. That’s why I also signed up for the 12 Days of Love Letter Writing.
I also got Alenka’s story (as well as another one). And have felt exactly the same way you just described, mostly I was terrified of not depressing the heck out of her with my words because that is not what she needs right now (or ever).
And as soon as I sat down, everything changed. I managed to write a nice letter. Just to make sure, I gave it to my mom to read and she agreed it wouldn’t depress anyone, adding that she liked it. I’m feeling much lighter now. I’ll be mailing them this afternoon.
And I am convinced that even if my love letter only helps only a little bit, every single “little bit” matters!
PS: blogged a few thoughts about my love letters here
Yes, that is true (and the upside) of a less-than-optimal financial situation. It forces you to be creative. I’ve been more creative this year than ever before. It’s the best kind of exhaustion I know. :)
I hope Alenka’s mailbox overflows with love.
How could a love letter ever equal anything as cold and distant as money.
Hooray for these times when we can find true value…like here. Nice. A love letter being written right now. Thanks for the chance.
THANK YOU! You rock, Meg! I’m so grateful for you. xo
I’m so glad that you wrote her. I took her address down. I’m staring at it now, and I’m already scared that I have nothing to offer her. I can’t promise that I will write…but I will promise to try. This thing called love isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Peace,
Leah
I know. It’s hard to think of the right thing to say to someone who is facing what Alenka faces. I think even if you say nothing but that you’re holding her in your heart, it will mean a great deal to her. As i wrote, that’s what I kept thinking. Sometimes it helps just to know that we are loved.
Thank you for trying! xo
Sometimes, I think, that hesitancy of “I won’t get it right” is the reason it’s meant to be written. You care enough to be worried, and that matters.
Thank you, Kaleigh. I love that thought.
This is precious. Your letter to Alenka sounds amazing – it would have to be after all you felt in preparing to write it. I’m positive she will be deeply touched. And how special that you’re mailing it on your birthday.
xo
Thank you, Milli. I know Hannah has worked crazy hard to put this together and continues to work hard, posting, bundling, mailing… It humbles me to think of the good we are all capable of… for free.
j
I’ve been there holding the hand of many people as they took that last breath. Have had many conversations of the power of intent with those left behind and those about to go. There is nothing so powerful as an open human heart beaming love to another heart. Even if that power doesn’t heal the body it soothes the spirit, calms the mind, swells the heart.
While reading your piece this quote came to mind:
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~ William Wordsworth
Letters filled with those breathings will be a lovely thing to do for Alenka.
much love to you on this day.
Thank you, Karen. (You should write one. I have a feeling, with your experience, you might offer her something not everyone could.)
Big love back to you.
Hi J,
Happy Birthday!
I see I join some other more love letter writers here! It’s seems that many of us were a bit unsure what to write at first. How many love letters have most of us written? Love the revival of the written word mailed in a letter. One of the sweetest forms of communication.
Your letter sounds like a true gift. Taking off our masks takes a lot of courage (not to mention strength because they tend to be welded on.) I’m 99% sure that anything that comes from the heart will be welcomed by Alenka and the others recipients of these letter gifts. We’ve been so conditioned to think that gifts need to come from the mall and cost gobs of money. I sent my dad a thank you letter one year for his Christmas present. I thanked him for everything he ever did for me.
After I mailed it, I thought he won’t like this. What a dumb idea. Then he called me and said it was the best gift he ever received and was going to frame it.
Participating in More Love Letters restored my faith in gift giving from the heart. The irony is that most of us would like the gift of TIME from others, yet they are too busy scrounging through the malls looking for a gift.
Thanks for joining Hannah! She’s doing great things for the lonely.
G.
Wow, G, I got chills when I read about the letter to your father. That is the coolest, most wonderful from-the-heart gift ever! And this is brilliant (as you often are):
The irony is that most of us would like the gift of TIME from others, yet they are too busy scrounging through the malls looking for a gift.
I want a t-shirt that says that. I’ll wear it to the mall. xoxo
The world is blessed to have you in it.
Thank you, Annika. <3
first let me say
♫ happy birthday to you ♫
celebrating you with ♥ ☼ and ♫
I’ve got a free afternoon at work… no appointments and I can not think of a better thing to do then to write a little letter to her ♥
the only thing we take with us is Love
Yay! I agree! And thank you! BIG HUGE smile right now. xo
Happy, happy birthday, lovely Judy! (Wait — I’ve always thought of you as lovely (inside and out), but it just struck me that you are now love-ly in another sense…)
Recently, as I try (clumsily, earnestly, optimistically) to help someone dear to me through what is literally a nervous breakdown, I can feel first hand how precious is the gift of speaking from the heart. I will send a love letter, with grateful thoughts of you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! And yes, you’re right. It is a precious gift… probably because sometimes it feels so hard to do.
This all so heartbreaking. One thing I want to stress j, which I’m sure you realzie already, is that the best we have to offer, doesn’t cost a penny. Money comes and goes and makes life fun and easier, allows us to have more choices and generally makes us feel secure. Not having enough puts us in survival mode, makes us think harder about what we do have to spend and be careful to get the most, the absolute most for our buck.
Thinking about your letter, I will try to write one. I saved her address and I do understand what she is going through. Not to the degree but I get it. All the money in the world can’t help change her situation or reverse the effects of the cancer in her body. All the money in world can’t buy back her health, her peace of mind nor her future.
What you are shedding your very bright light on today, your birthday, is that for mere pennies and a heart full of love, a woman struggling to survive will have words to read that may let some light in to her dark place. They may give her some extra strength to hold on and keep fighting. They may help her from giving up and giving in. Something more powerful than all the dollars on the planet.
I know in my heart, that when my time comes, if I’m ever in the position to have hear from the white coated one”s, that “everything that can be done, has”, I’m not going to give one shit about money…….I’ve had money and I’ve not had money, what I want and will always want is TIME. Cancer, in any form, is a threat to how much time one may or may not have. A helfty pile of assets makes not one shred of difference.
I feel for you j and I feel for Alenka. The only thing I can add, is that either way, rich or poor, it’s not how much we have, it’s how much we give. And not having a lot of money brings out the real, bottom line value in us all.
I do hope you’ll write to Alenka. I think she would be comforted by the words of someone who understands the way you do.
As for me, I didn’t mean to be heartbreaking, I’m sorry. These days, I know more people struggling with questions of money than people who aren’t, especially writers (and dream chasers). I’m in good company, and very fortunate that I have room to pursue my passion right now (even if it means I go a long time between haircuts). :)
I shall write one!
<3
Thank you, Pam! <3
Done and in the mail. Love letter express. :)
wow….
I’m going to sleep on this because I don’t want to write this tired. It’s too important.
I’m in.
You’re wonderful, Lance. Thank you!
First of all happy birthday J!
As I was dealing with the event on my blog I was not able to come and hug you. And as you have asked for something I can do, I will.
Time is small and I may not be able to do my best calligraphy for this one, but I promise it will be from the heart. :)
First of all, thank YOU! Second of all, thank you more! From the heart is perfect.
And thank you for including me in your “I want to meet you post.” I’ll make some noise about that on Monday.
Happy Birthday. The world is a better place with you in it. You do amazing things and inspire others to as well. There’s a special place in heaven for people like you.
Perfect timing since tomorrow I plan to (finally) send out Christmas cards.
Thank you, Tricia. I’m so humbled by everyone’s response. My world is a better place with all of you in it!
Christmas cards… I stopped sending them out during the final push of my first draft of BL and it was so much less stressful – plus, I told myself – an environmentally sound decision – that I’ve never gone back to it. I have to say though, I’m liking that everyone is writing love letters and sending out Christmas cards this year. It feels like our gift to the ailing USPS. ;)
I read this post, and all the comments and replies. Then I wrote Alenka a short letter, with a simple message: no matter what the future may hold, she now lives in the hearts of many (and sure to be more). Could anyone ask for more of their life?
“A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.”
The Wizard was a smart man even if he couldn’t fly a balloon. Thank you so much for writing to Alenka. <3
Brilliant…. this is special and what better way to show love and good cheers…..Will join in.
Yay! Thank you!
What a wonderful gift. I’m in!
Shared on FB, too because the more the merrier. Love is always a good gift and it’s returnable. :-D Thank you for (another) opportunity to add more love to the world. <3
And just when I think I couldn’t possibly love you more, I do! THANK YOU! xoxo