Since I read it, I’ve been obsessing over Dear Sugar’s latest column, “Write Like A Motherfucker.” In it, she is responding to Elissa Bassist, a 26-year-old writer and editor at The Rumpus. Elissa Bassist is struggling. She thinks she’s a loser because she hasn’t written a book, and I get that because writers (especially writers who aren’t writing) are prone to melodramatic self-damnation, which we write about quite poetically in our journals (or on our blogs, or in Dear Sugar letters).
In the end, Sugar gives Elissa the same advice my favorite writing professor gave me when I complained of being blocked, and then told him that I couldn’t even call it “writer’s block” since that condition afflicts writers and clearly I did not qualify.
My professor told me to sit my ass in my chair and write. I said I’d tried that and nothing happened. He said, “Bullshit. Something’s always happening, j. Sit down and start typing and eventually the typing becomes writing.”
He was right. I know that, and still I have to learn the lesson over and over again.
So, Sugar advises the clearly talented, probably beautiful, definitely YOUNG Elissa Bassist to write like a motherfucker, and I ignore the part where I am way older than Elissa and don’t have a book to show off yet either, and I choose instead to feel heartened. (Generally, I like heartened better than crushed and defeated.)
I like to pretend Sugar is passing me notes in class. “I’m writing this to Elissa,” I imagine her note says, “but THIS line is for you.” And the line that keeps rolling around my head is “You’re up too high and down too low.” Sugar is sweetly chastising Elissa Bassist for having, at once, grandiose ideas about what she should have accomplished by now, and a constant inner monologue of doubt and self-loathing. Neither place is conducive to writing, and that’s the key of course. At some point, we all have to stop thinking about what we want to do, and do it.
I don’t think Sugar is just talking to writers. Or at least I’m not. More and more, I’m learning that the only way to find out if I can do something is to do it, whether it’s reading my work to an audience, beckoning the lovely, meditating in a ZEN center, teaching a class, hula-hooping in public, breathing under water, or… writing a book.
By the end of September, I will turn my novel (my “second beating heart”) over to the awesome people who’ve agreed to read it. I’m nervous about that, of course, and by the time I actually do it, nervousness will become panic, but whether they love it or hate it, think it’s humanity laid out before them or just crap, I will have done it. I will have written the story I could not let go of, and handed it to people who will be loving and brutally honest with me.
And that’s the key to this big, beautiful, messy, challenging, love-filled life I want to live. I have to DO it. Beyond thinking and hoping and even planning, I have to DO like a motherfucker.
Good advice under any circumstance.
Great post; it inspired me to check out Dear Sugar and gave me some encouragement. I’ve definitely exhibited those tell-tale signs of spending more time beating myself up for not writing than I do actually writing!
You are so right. It is so difficult to just do it though, but . . . you are right. Why is it so easy to take time making up a list of reasons as to why it can’t be done than to just do it.
In the case of writing, I do just do it, but then once it is done or at least started, I find myself reading it thinking, “What was I thinking?” I started three separate posts yesterday and ended up posting something else.
And horay for you, for handing over your second heart.
Absolutely true. Never give up. Just never give up And as I’ve heard from an old Nike commercial: “Just do it!”
Mary, I think sometimes we all think too much!
Unfortunate Faye, Thank you! Me too. (And doing laundry, and cleaning out the refrigerator, and checking email, and Googling EVERYTHING that pops into my head…) ;-)
Terre, Or even making up a list of how we’re going to do whatever it is we’re going to do. It’s so much easier to just hang out in the planning stage indefinitely. And thank you for the hooray! I’m excited. Nervous, but excited too.
Ralph, Okay, yeah, but Nike doesn’t add the colorful “motherfucker” part.
I’m deleting a comment from Sue (alias Jack) because she asked me to. It was witty and a lot of people liked it (as you can see below), but I know exactly how she feels… nothing worse than being uncomfortable with something you’ve written and not be able to delete or edit it.
That’s because the ever colorful “motherfucker” part goes without saying.
(8-O))
Please delete my comment. Sorry.
PLEASE DO NOT, NOT, NOT delete sue alias jack’s previous comments. Gave me the best laugh I’ve had in days!!! I love you, Sue! Like a motherfucker!
Oh man! What did I miss? Waaaaa.
Ok. Wow. both to you and to Sue, who I don’t think I have “heard” swear before. Wow, she’s good at it too. Motherfuckery may be my word for the day.
I’m not a writer – so I totally agree with you about Sugar’s column. I was very moved by her ability to bring Elissa’s situation to the rest of us. Yes, do it like a motherfucker. Love it. I think it’s awesome that you are that close to being finished with your novel. Well of course there will be edits, as always, but wow. Such a motherfucking accomplishment! Let’s all have a twitter party when that day in September arrives. *cheers*
xo
c
Judy – love this post! So true – my own demons haunting me telling me that somethings not “just right” for me to “write”:) sigh. Thoughts of not being/doing it “good enough” abounds like a wet noodle while my creative side is basking in the sun and producing at least a new book every day:)
And…Sue, Dani, Carolyn – thank you! I have not laughed so hard for quite some time!
Amazing. Heartfelt. Courageous. Brave. Undaunted. Undismayed. Fearless. Daring. Human. Loved.
You in 10 words or less.
Go for it — we’re all waiting
Jack is a great friend & will delete it . Laughter is momentary anyway. Love you all.
Caroline, I have to admit. I like motherfuckery too. Like jackassery, it has a ring. The novel has actually been finished once before. I met with an indie publisher last summer who recommended changes, and then had a million great reasons not to do the revisions I agreed were right for the book. (All of those reasons boiling down to fear.) But I’m determined now, so yes! Absolutely. there will be twitter bubbly in September!
Susan, Ha! Yes, my imaginary me is quite accomplished too! Thinking maybe I should close that ginormous gap between what she accomplishes and what the real me manages to get done!
Becky, Wow. Thank you! I’m humbled by your response in the best way.
Jack, <3
I stand corrected. Well I will celebrate with you whenever, wherever, and for whatever reason. I’m just glad to know you now. xo #sparklyawesomeJ
Oh, you don’t have to stand corrected. What I’d finished was the first draft. And then, technically, a second. This will be the third. (The charm, right?) We will have to celebrate my getting over my own up too high-down too low syndrome and finishing the work. And then we’ll have to celebrate every single milestone on my way to (hopefully, hopefully) publication. Lots to do.
It’s funny how many people Sugar’s article on Elissa’s letter affected!
I’m one of them. Ever since i read it i started writing verses and poems and thoughts (most of them sad, but it’s good to punch the paper instead of people’s feelings).
I started a novel, 5 months ago. Stopped to 500 words. That’s it. I hope i’ll finish it one day…
Good Luck with your writing and your novel!
Keep that pen/keybord rolling :D
Damnit I’m late. I missed the action and now it’s deleted. It’s like showing up at a dinner party as someone’s hauled off to jail. You swear you will never be later anywhere again.
What were we talking about, anyway? Oh, yes. Writing and the theme Just Do It. I like how you publicly announce the time–September–that your book will be ready for beta readers. That was brave of you, especially since I told myself, and only myself, that I would have my book ready for querying by the end of August. So glad I kept that under wraps. But I wonder if I should grow some courage and announce a date on my blog so I’ll be accountable.
“It’s like showing up at a dinner party as someone’s hauled off to jail. You swear you will never be later anywhere again.” <– laughed so hard I spit out my coffee. Thanks! I really needed that laugh today. And I want to go to whatever dinner parties you go to. :-D
Kind of makes you want to read Tricia’s book, huh?
Yes. Lists. I have a lot of them. I have also determined that I am not “addicted” to my FB, Twitter, and other social sites as much as I use them to avoid doing things I should be doing . . . . .like writing a blog post.
I think it is silly of me to say not to be nervous, but try not to panic. That you know they are loving should help. :-) (Shaking my pom-poms!)
Evi, Trust me when I say all of Sugar’s columns affect me. She’s always passing me notes. ;-) Thank you for the well wishes. I send them back to you! Write on!
Tricia, Yes, that was on purpose. No excuses. Nothing like publicly stating goals to make you accountable. And you don’t have to grow courage, baby; you’re about to send out queries. You are clearly an awesome writing superhero!
Terre, Well, I may not be able to stop being nervous, but perhaps I can stop short of panic. If not, I know you have wine.
J-stress,
Hard for me to imagine you doing anything without at least a smidgen of MF.
I have to wonder if other creative types are as tough on themselves as us scribes.
Big Kudos on the novel, dear. git on wi’ yo bad self, home slice.
George
I’m sure that writing a book is the climax for any writer (as writing a cookbook would be for me. So I get it.) But J, you are writing a book. Sort of. It may not have a hard cover or be spiral bound, but it’s a story. And you have readers who come back for more. Quite frankly, your blog holds my attention way more than 90% of the books I take to bed with me. Zzzz. So just keep blogging like a motherfucker.
Oh Judy i’m sooo excited for you… and for all of us who get to soon read your words… share with you …. bubbles in all forms waiting…
Notes passed.. I love little notes… espcially when the speak to our core and push us to listen to the positive thoughts and not the fear.
Writers write because they have to… words needing to be shared… released like bubbles to the wind.
You have your own cheerleaders… and I’m so glad to be one of them
can’t wait
George, I grin every time you stop by. And I do try to infuse most things with a little MF, its’ true. ;-) This made my night: Big Kudos on the novel, dear. git on wi’ yo bad self, home slice. <3<3
Amy, Wow! You should see my smile. It's ridiculous. No nightlight required. Thank you so much!
June, I'm so glad you're one of them too – a poetic and lovely one at that! I am dazzled by you as usual. xo
You and Sugar have been reading my mind (except it sounds so much better when you guys read it.)
I recently realized I’ve fallen back into the trap of thinking – “if only…” and “after this…” and “i wish I could…” thoughts. I’m (re-) learning the lesson to focus on what I *can* do and then to do it now. Even if now I can only take a little step (instead the big leap) – take the step now. All those little steps will add up eventually. And I’ll probably reach my goal much faster with all those little steps than waiting for the perfect time/space/opportunity to make the full leap. Thanks for the reminder to do my motherfucking best to move forward every day.
I’ve been a smart *ss all day on twitter and here about m*therf*cker. I thought it was funny. Then a friend told me that WordPress can remove your blog for using it ~ Sorry, but I don’t believe that. I believe they can rate it xxx only ~ there are plenty of erotic blogs out there. At any rate, I apologize j if I caused any problems for you. He also told me that I could be sent to twitter jail or have my account suspended for a month. What’s twitter jail? I’ve seen lots of tweets with as bad or worse language or sexually explicity.
The real topic here of writing is one I can’t relate to. Most of my poetry flows through me and I just rush to get it recorded before the words evaporate forever. I’ve often thought of writing a memoir, but don’t have the courage to let my family know everything. I’ve recently heard writers of prose discussing their work in such technical detail ~ I don’t think I could do that before a rewrite. Just writing seems hard enough to me. I am in awe of you writers of prose. I love this ~
“I don’t think Sugar is just talking to writers. Or at least I’m not. More and more, I’m learning that the only way to find out if I can do something is to do it, whether it’s reading my work to an audience, beckoning the lovely, meditating in a ZEN center, teaching a class, hula-hooping in public, breathing under water, or… writing a book.”
If it is a matter of just doing it, then shake it up ~ some days write like a motherfucker and some days like a son of a bitch!
I think Twitter sends out spiders, which catch curse words and then flags them. It’s all so silly. But I’m of the mind that there’s no such thing as a bad word. When not over used or for shock value, it can be extremely funny…as J has demonstrated.
This new TV show coming out: “#&%!* My Dad Says”…why can’t they just say Shit? EVERYONE knows what the symbols stand for.
Having said that, as long as my mother (whom I love and respect dearly) is alive, I rarely swear in my blog posts. I want her to continue speaking to me ;-)
jb, Ohmygosh, your last sentence absolutely made my heart sing. You go girl. (I’ll come with you!)
Dani, You’re so cute! Action is key, and action with a little attitude is more fun. ;-)
Amy, My mom reads me every day too. I’m hoping that whole blood being thicker than water thing is going to keep her coming. (I am pushing my luck.)
Yes! I so want to read Tricia’s book and your book, too. Consider me in line for both already. The suspense is killing me! (<– And that phrase was even funnier yesterday when I heard a 4 year-old say it about the picture on the dot-to-dot page he was working on. Nearly spit my coffee out again. Between you, Tricia and kids, it's a wonder I get any coffee into my system at all. But you're all worth it. :-D)
Sounds great to have the story you could never let go of turn into a book and about to be read *fingers crossed* even if it’s harder to type like this :P
Best choice of words Sugar had there, and I totally missed your inspiring posts! Thanks for the small push you’ve involuntarily given me too, missed-you & good-to-be-back hugs :)
jb, How cute! The suspense kills me daily. I’m living a connect the dots sort of existence!
Estrella, Welcome back! I’ve missed you! Did you have a wonderful trip?
“…I get that because writers (especially writers who aren’t writing) are prone to melodramatic self-damnation, which we write about quite poetically…”
Now there is a quote that makes me smile and wince at the same time~
But you? You are really DOING it!
Jane, Right now I am, but there are times… well, you know. Maybe the reason so many writers responded to Sugar’s column was because we recognized ourselves. I think they’re are writers who are absolutely diligent and never succumb to doubt, or that terrible creeping sense of futility.
I just don’t know any of them personally. ;-)