Now that it’s officially June, I feel I need to report back on May’s experiment in kindness, in which I vowed to do a good deed every day…
In May I gave people rides, rescued a girl standing in the rain, made dinner when it wasn’t my night, did emergency laundry, read a friend’s manuscript, volunteered some editing time, answered the phone (if you know me, then you can appreciate the magnitude of this), let someone go ahead of me in the grocery line, held the door open more times than I can count, gave up a parking space (in the rain!), and paid the toll for the person behind me on the bridge.
Here are the three most important things I learned.
First, there are days when being nice is a struggle. And to be honest, sometimes, at the end of the day, I couldn’t remember anything I’d done that would qualify as a good deed, even by the most generous interpretation of that term. Here’s my disclaimer: This May was quite possibly the grayest, rainiest May I’ve ever experienced, and I’m convinced now that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. The last few days have (finally) been sunny and it is as if I’d taken antidepressants. I know. It’s not really an excuse… but I’m claiming it anyway.
Second, gratitude is awesome. More than once during the course of my experiment, when I was about to go to bed good deed-less, I got a message from someone thanking me for something, and I realized I had done a good deed after all. I find that encouraging. Not only did it prove me slightly nicer than I thought I was, it demonstrated for me the power of gratitude. On my crappy, stressed out, gray days, someone’s thank you was, for me, a generous act of kindness.
Third, being aware of yourself makes you more aware of others. All month I’ve been noticing people holding the door open for me. A man swooped in to pick up my dropped sunglasses, a woman rushed after me to give me the sweatshirt I’d left behind on a bench. My friend paid for my lunch when I accidentally (conveniently) went to the bathroom just before the check arrived. It happens all the time, random acts of kindness. I hear a lot about how inconsiderate the world has become, but when I was tuned into it, I saw kindness everywhere.
Seriously. You gotta love that.
Wild
On the gray days you become the ray of sunshine.
Hey Judy, even on your bad days you still have the ability to brighten the days of others. I see it daily on Twitter.
As for the world, many people only see the negative. That is all they are looking for. It is impossible for them to see anything else.
Congrats on a successful month.
Take care!
Darn it. I forgot your kindness challenge. I didn’t help anyone. Just kidding, I think.
But I agree with Mary. You do brighten people’s lives every day.
And that old going-to-the-bathroom-when -the-check-comes-trick works every time.
Great job.
Mary, Thank you! You make an excellent point about us seeing what we’re looking for. I was looking for kindness and found it. Think I’ll try to make that my default!
Ralph, Ha! I don’t believe you anyway… I know you were kind to me! (The key to the bathroom trick is getting your timing right.) ;-)
Wow – am inspired…and agree that your kindness radiates through twitter like a lovely ray of light! Tried something similar a while back and am not sure I made it through a week…
I will now be following your example and trying again!
Wonderful. xx
Thanks for the report. I bet there were a lot more things you did and you didn’t even realize.
They say that SAD is a real thing, so if you think you were affected by the weather then you probably were.
Spread kindness. (Yay!)
I’m sure that you are unaware of many kindness that you do, J. You probably do things without even noticing. A smile to a cashier, a touch on the hand of the old lady next to you in the checkout line. Even tweets that brighten one or more peoples’ day and you don’t know it. You are a kind person at heart, and from what I have observed, you can’t help but act that way. Thanks for sharing, J. *BIG hugs* Nice job!
haha, nice idea, “one good deed every day”
Imagine that like 10 % of our poulation, did the same, as an experiment. I bet you that you could messure the effect in smiling faces,
this i a swedish site, http://www.thegooddeedssite.com/ but its international as a platform.
The idea I think is to inspire people to be nice and do small and big favour, just for the couse of good!
do yours there, or maybe post your whole month as one.
Big up!
your post made me glad!
Melissa, Well, seeing as how I had days where I did not deliver the goods (ha! see what I did there?), I didn’t technically make it through either. It’s a little disheartening to realize at the end of the day (or sometimes more than one day) that you can’t come up with a single good deed. (And by you, I mean me!)
Terre, SAD is definitely a real thing. I wasn’t just fooling around. Something yucky was going on with me.
Dani, Thank you. I look better from a few hundred miles away! ;-)
Georg, I thought of that too. Kindness multiplies, for sure. Thank you for the comment!
Judy you are a ray of sunshine, well said Mary. I love “being aware of yourself makes you more aware of others”. It all gets back to how you say we are all connected.
I know I always :) when I read your comments and all those that respond. It’s my chance to slow down, plug in, think, and be aware.
I’m so grateful there are kind people like yourself out in the universe.
Mairi
Glad to hear you payed the toll for someone behind you! Whenever we were traveling for our family vacations, my dad would do this for someone. It was cool when the car would drive by us, honking the horn and yelling thank you out the window!
This is such a great post. You’re right; acts of kindness are everywhere, but somehow it’s always easier to focus on the rude behavior. Why is that??? Ah, well, thanks for the reminder to remember the kindness and forget the rudeness!
Fantastic J!! I believe Mary summed it up best. Thank you for being the sunshine in my mornings :o) and yay you!
Mairi, Well you can come sit, plug in, think and be aware with me anytime! Those are my favorite pastimes. And if we have some cheesecake and coffee with our awareness, I’ll be in heaven!
Laura, I’m not great at ignoring the rudeness, actually. That will be my next thing to work on. After the 100 or so things I’m working on right now. ;-) But I do think we see, to some degree, what we expect to see and people treat us as we expect to be treated.
Caroline, Awww! That made me smile. You only think that because you need coffee as much as I do in the morning. Misery loves company!
I really like the state of awareness this puts me in.
You know … you have to look out for other people to recognize the moment when an act of kindness presents itself. That’s a nice feeling … and a nice purpose.
Acts of kindness can change the world …
a smile is an act of kindness …
a supportive thought is an act of kindness …
Ha, you don’t even have to get out of your pajamas to do acts of kindness.
I agree with Mairi, I loved this “being aware of yourself makes you more aware of others” It’s now on my wall of quotes =] along with all my quotes from Einstein lol
I’m glad this worked out for you, and I totally understand about the sunshine being like antidepressants! I’m always in the the best mood when it’s sunny, even if it’s a hot Florida day like today =]
Just because you don’t remember specific acts of kindness doesn’t mean you didn’t perform them. Knowing you, I would bet that if you could rewind and view the past month, you would find countless acts of kindness that you didn’t even consider because they are a subconscious part of who you are.
I think your real challenge last month would have been to enumerate them all! :o)
I’m sure your friend who picked up the tab was just grateful to spend some time with you. I know I’d pick up 10 checks for some quality j time!!
Jeramy, I know. I felt like a superhero the first day – a handful of good deeds before I ever got out of my pjs… And then there were those other days…
Tony, I like hot! I can’t wait for summer!
Croondog, That’s sweet. Yes, remembering to write stuff down was hard; on the other hand, it did allow me to tell myself that I was just forgetting things. (As opposed to… really, j. You weren’t so nice today.)
Jerry, Well if that’s what my friend was thinking, the feeling was definitely mutual. (10 checks, huh? *starts list of lunch destinations*)
Just make sure pizza’s on that list :-)
Bravo!!! The smallest kindness done for someone, can affect them in the biggest way. Trust me (being a receiver) I know first hand.
“When I was tuned into it, I saw kindness everywhere.”
I agree with Mary and many of your other commenters. When we look at the world expecting to see kindness and beauty, we find it; when we expect to see selfishness and ugliness, somehow we find that, too.
I practiced many random acts of kindness throughout May, and will continue to do so. For me, it’s a way in which to be truly present, as it forces me to slow down and observe what’s happening all around me.
And to echo Dani and Croondog, I’m certain you performed many acts that went unnoticed by you. Each of us touches the lives of others in ways both known and unknown. And through act of “paying it forward,” the butterfly effect of just one conscious action can reach untold numbers of hearts and minds.
xo
You did way better than me, J! I knew ever since you made your kindness post, you’d make a follow-up nothing short of impressive and admirable. Unfortunately, the only acts of kindness I can remember is helping my mom with her English, and buying my friend a burrito.
I hope, through your example, I can become more aware of myself. Looks like it’s gonna have to be more than burritos from now on. And I hope you get plenty of more sunny days! It’s about that time the sun comes out full-time, right?
Laura, So true!
Amy, I am so glad you come here to be wonderful in more than 140 characters. In my Ten Things I Believe post, #7 is that you generally get what you expect from people. I believe if your are suspicious and think the worst of people you attract people who live down to your expectations. I tend to expect good things and kindness, and I get it from people all the time.
Eman, You make me laugh. Every time you come here to play with me, you are doing a good deed.
Awww, thanks, J! Now I have 3 good deeds on my belt :) Oh, and I forgot to say thanks for your inspirational comment on my last post. I can’t wait to make a new post in about 2 weeks or so, and improve my time management, so that when it gets busy again, I can still make regular posts.
*big-metaphorically-giant-bear-hug*
Wow, the only thing better than a big metaphoric giant bear hug would be a real non-metaphoric giant bear hug. But since your arms won’t reach this far, I will take the virtual one. And be happy!
J, I love that you did this in such a conscious manner. And that you saw the effects so quickly.
Kindness begets kindness, in real and visible ways.
I will echo what others have said above, your way of being with others is a gift to all of us that know you.
Huzzah!
Love, t
ps. I think you forgot to tag this “posts my mom will like” ;)
Hippiechick, I love Huzzah! You were my living example of the kindness begets kindness theory. Thank you for that!
And, you’re right. Now it’s a post my mom will like. (My mom thanks you, I’m sure!) <3
I think you already mentioned in one of your responses (saying it is one of the things you believe in), but after reading this post, I instantly thought about the theory (as described in the book and documentary “The Secret”) that we attract whatever it is that we focus on — that same energy. It may take a while, but eventually (as with acts of kindness), what we give out comes back to us.
As far as the Sunshine, oh, girl, you most definitely are right and S.A.D is absolutely for real — right down to getting a Vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunlight (and the lack of Vitamin D can affect moods negatively I understand). One wonderful aspect of the sun deprivation (if you can imagine there is one) here in Oregon (this year has been worse for us too, I think I read we had 24 rainy days in April, which is unusual even for Portland) . . . when the sun and blue skies come out, we are giddy excited, like a kid unexpectedly getting a day off from school to visit Disneyland or something. I was not like that when I lived in CA — I tended to take the sunny days for granted.
Thank you as always for the gift of sharing your writing with us all for free — you’re like a Master Chef who prepares these amazing dishes that are both a delight to our eyes as well as our taste buds . . . you’re a Chocolate Cheesecake Souffle’ for our hearts and minds :-)
I think making a list of all the kind things you’ve done would be impossible and time consuming and, well… impossible.
I think the things we take note of and say to ourselves, “hey, I did pretty well when I did that” are only a minuscule part of what is actually happening — of the actual kind acts that you or me or anyone is doing.
So, I’d say, the most relevant thing is being aware of yourself and therefore being aware of others. If kindness is being shown to you, I’m sure it’s because you were kind to someone else — by talking, or reading a blog, or offering a hug or smile or <3.
Kindness becomes you.
ps — you answering your phone must have felt like winning the lottery to the other person. :-)
Ha! Yes, it was a surprise to both of us!
Carey, Yes, to some degree, I do think we attract what we put out there. As Hippiechick says, kindness begets kindness. As for CA sunshine, I took it for granted too. I think that’s why it was so hard to wait as long as we did for the rain to stop. (And, some places in the bay area will get rain tomorrow!) Thank you for your kind words on my writing. Big smile!
Becky, True. I had this trouble when I tried to keep a food journal too. I just am terrible about recording things when they happen and equally bad at remembering them later. I like your idea… just assume the best. ;-)
I think after seeing the success of this, we need to establish a NaNoNiceMo.
Whaddya think? Woot!
George
George, Hahaha! Do we get to stop doing everything else, like I did with Nanowrimo? (I want to come to Alaska and we’ll be the super nice dynamic duo. That would be fun.)