I am not cool. Every day, over and over again, I come face to face with my undeniable lack of cool. I’m confessing on the theory that at some point you can become so completely uncool, you’re cool again.
You be the judge…
Ten Reasons I’m Not Cool
- I can’t text and do anything else at the same time. I can’t text and walk, or text and drive, or text and talk. And truthfully, I can barely text at all. My phone, which is even less cool than I am, doesn’t have a mini keyboard. If I want a “c” I have to push the #2 key three times. It takes me forever, and my texts are riddled with typos. All too often, I text mysteries (which sounds much cooler than it is.)
- I’ve never seen Mad Men or Glee, didn’t know who Kris Allen was when he sang at the Saints-Vikings game, and had to look up what Heidi Montag was famous for other than plastic surgery.
- I never know what to wear, especially on my feet.
- I love, love, love those little colored post-it tabs you can use to mark pages in a book. I look for reasons to use them. I tab everything. I tab The Boy when he isn’t looking. (He looks good tabbed in florescent green.)
- I missed all of the last season of Lost. I haven’t decided whether to watch this season. The premier is being recorded as I type, in case I decide to be cool.
- I’ve been known to sing along with Barry Manilow, because I know all the words to all the songs that make the young girls cry.
- I’ve never been entirely comfortable in boot cut jeans.
- I like terms of endearment. “Darlin’” makes me swoon.
- If it weren’t for Twitter, I wouldn’t know who Taylor Swift was. Or Justin Bieber. Or Lady Gaga.
- I have a little crush on Bob Barker.
So what do you think… so uncool I’m cool again?
j, I think you just set a new definition of being cool – uncool is the new cool, can you dig it??? Being cool is so totally over, but being uncool, well that is where’s it’s at, darlin’ ;^)
*I think I read this on twitter somewhere or maybe it was a text*
I think it’s pretty cool to be uncool if coolness is based on doing what “everyone” else is doing at the moment. If we all had, watched, listened to or did the same cool things what in the world would we have to talk about? By the way, uncool is the new cool. Great post.
You are SO funny! Adorkable! And cool! I’ve come to the conclusion that if you seriously think of yourself as cool, you probably aren’t. Becky said to me once on Twitter, when I was first getting to know everyone, that Cool Girls must be kind. I loved that! Ok, your list:
1.) I got a phone (not iPhone) last year with the little keyboard, but had spent 5 1/2 yrs. doing all of my emails on the regular phone number pad like you have, cuz I didn’t have a computer then, either. And you know I don’t think texting while driving is cool. 2.) Madmen is sexist crap, IMHO. Glee’s ok, but what tv shows you watch aren’t what make you cool. @Kcecelia doesn’t want or own a tv and she’s super cool. 3.) Spending a ridiculous amount of money on shoes isn’t going to make anyone of substance love you more. 4.) Those colored post-it tabs are fabulous. I also like the regular size post-its that have lines on them. Over 25 yrs. in accounting, and I can’t write straight without lines. 5.) If you have Netflix, you can at least watch the final two hours of last season’s Lost. Or on Hulu, probably. You may not understand much of tonight’s episode without that. I’ve decided to rewatch all of last season on Netflix then re-watch this season. (I know, that’s geeky, not cool.) 6.) EVERYbody knows the words to at least one Barry Manilow song, they just don’t admit it (which makes you cooler.) 7.) If you’re comfortable in what you’re wearing, you’ll be more confident and therefore more cool. 8.) You know I like the terms of endearment, hon. 9.) I like Lady Gaga, so what’s that make me? (Don’t answer.) 10.) Bob Barker is a huge advocate of animal rights, which is cool. (I have a crush on William Shatner.)
{Disclaimer: All of the above are my own personal opinions and in no way represented to be guidelines for cool, nor am I presenting myself as an expert on cool or as a cool person. And apparently, I can’t keep comments short.} *hugs* Dani
Hey Darlin’!
1.) I think people that can text and do other things are more of a loser because that means they text so much that they don’t have real face-to-face contact with enough people.
2.) Honey child, we need to have a sit down! You need to watch Mad Men, you need to see it from the beginning, and you need to do this NOW!
3 – 5.) Perfectly acceptable
6.) Sorry, you lose big points on this one. That lisp on Barry makes my skin crawl. Oh yeah, and the whole lame songs thing doesn’t help either….
7.) Do you wear boots all the time? If not, perfectly acceptable
8.) See opening line ;-)
9.) They’re all lame, so it’s better that you don’t know who they are.
10.) Who DOESN’T have a crush on Bob Barker?!? I want to spay or neuter the first thing I can get my hands on just to make him happy!
Christie, I can dig it!!! And if you read it on Twitter, it must be true. ;-)
Joanne, Now if we can make converse be the new heels, I’m all set!
Dani, Okay, but if you actually commit to having NO t.v. at all, THAT’s cool. I fell asleep last night watching the little catch up episode of Lost. This does not bode well.
Mike, Aww, “darlin.” Happy sigh…. I’m sorry, now, what were we talking about? Oh yeah. Mad Men. Yeah, I’ve heard – Hold on! Are you dissing Barry?! He takes me back, youngin’. You wouldn’t understand. :-)
Superheros are cool. It’s in the rule book.
I have to say that I think coolness has nothing to do with what TV/movies/videos one watches, what one knows about ANY celebrity, or even what one wears. Cool comes from the inside out, not the inside in.
Also, by coincidence I just posted a 3-song playlist based on Darlin’. How cool is that?
Tim, I have such a big grin on my face listening to your post. I don’t even like country music, and the last song is awesome! Just what I needed today. Thanks!
To be ultimately cool you must be unique in your tastes, perceptions and opinions. You don’t feel the need to follow the crowd, you instead follow your own path. I think you do all of that.
Fyi, I have always liked Barry Manilow. When Manilow first started he played piano for Bette Midler and she is fabulous!
I don’t watch a lot of tv or movies because my little kids zap the life out of me during the day, and thus, I can’t keep my eyes open past 9pm (totally uncool) – so I never know who these movie stars and musical artists being referred to are. If I worked in an office, I would be horrible at water-cooler talk.
I love Barry Manilow, Helen Reddy, and Neil Sedaka. Reminds me of road trips with my parents and 8-Track tapes. It also reminds me that singers used to be able to actually sing.
And let me be the first, and perhaps the only parent, to proclaim that I think Barney (the purple dinosaur) is genius.
I don’t believe in guilty pleasures, because I’m not embarrassed to admit anything. Being cool is loving the skin you’re in, Baby!
Becky, You would know, superhero. :-)
Tim, Really? I’m going there next. You can sing to me while I’m getting dressed. (Wink, wink.)
Mary, Yeah, I think Barry reminds me of a time. I love how music can do that – evoke memories so strongly. Barry was before things were at all complicated. And, yes, Bette is awesome.
Amy – 8-track tapes!! My big brother had 8-track tapes. We thought he was COOL. That’s funny now that I think of it. Oh, and “baby,” that works just like darlin.
Coolness to me is not easily defined. You, Judy, are undeniably cool. Any one who came come up with and post the list you posted is cool. Accept it.
Marsha
Is this some sneaky way of telling us you are hot? Meh… I knew that already ;)
LOL hehehe hahaha you are the cool! in that we on Twitter have re-defined cool, (I hope), to mean – we are too mature for the sh*t that tells people when they are or are not cool. I like Dani’s “short” comment, so I’m “dittoing” her sentiment :o)
First, you shouldn’t text and drive and you shouldn’t text and talk. Both are dangerous and/or disrespectful and do not make one “cool”
Second, your phone is a relic. People treasure relics. I enjoy mine.
Third, tv shows in general (and watching them) do not make one cool. TV is in many respects un-cool. It’s a lazy mans entertainment. Read, write, tweet, and play.
Fourth, as my wife said this morning: “I’m late. The baby and I couldn’t agree on what I should wear.” She’s now blaming her indecisiveness on the yet to be born kid.
Fifth, any color, including those with sticky sides are cool.I use them all the time at work.
Sixth, Lost like any other tv show does not make one cool. Plus this show further complicates things because if you didn’t watch episode 21.689897 on Tuesday November 24 you have no idea what just happened in yesterday’s episode.
Seventh, Singing Barry Manilow. hmm … we all have our flaws.
Eighth, wear the jeans. They’ll do wonders for your figure.
Ninth, you forgot to mention you also enjoy being called butthead
Tenth, twitter does make thee cool. Enough said.
Eleventh, Bob Barker … if he ruled the world there would be no Lexi. Think about that.
Marsha, Aww, shucks! Thank you! I think you are awesomely cool as well.
John, Applying the word “hot” to me… just as effective as terms of endearment. (I just sat up straighter. No kidding!) *hug*
Caroline, in truth, “cool” is as much attitude, I guess, as anything else. I like your definition.
Walker, Well it was just that one magical moment with us where butthead worked. Generally speaking, if you could think of an endearment that makes me sound less… butt-headish, that would be good.
Wow, good point on Bob Barker. You just gave me a sort of Koan to ponder. How to reconcile Bob Barker love and Lexi love… (I’ll think it over during yoga today.)
Writers are the coolest people on earth, it is the number one rule. You are a writer (and a wonderful one at that), thus, you are cool.
To play off Tim’s musical Darlin’ selections lets go with…
…oh gosh, might as well start with the Beatles and “Oh Darling”. Then onto Brett Dennen’s “Darlin DO NOT Fear”. Then I think some Damien Rice, “Cheers Darlin” is in order. Then why not go with Benjamin Biolay and “little darling” (Very cool tune and in francais!). Then Vanessa Williams “Darlin I” and then…
by the way, even though I think the tapered cut of a 60′s era men’s suit is ultra-cool, I have yet to catch an episode of Mad Men. But now that I hear its just “Sexist crap” I can’t wait to find it on TV! ha!
On the general topic of fashion, whether it is the boot cut jeans or the shoe dilemma, I have this theory about people getting comfortable with a particular era of fashion they were (are) a part of. At some point in our lives we step off the fashion train where we are comfortable and never seem to get back on (which is probably why the TLC “What Not to Wear” show is popular). Fashion isn’t about being cool, but it is about being comfortable and not sweats and (forgive me) tennis shoe comfortable. Comfortable in the clothes you wear. If you have to constantly adjust your clothes, then that is not comfortable. Putting something on that makes you feel good, as well as look good, that you then forget about is comfortable. You should never have anything in your closet you can’t just put on and go without a lot of thought. Jeans or shoes. I am getting closer and closer to coming down and providing my (world famous) closet makeover on you – which is turn drives the shoe and jeans resolutions :-)
As for all the rest – you are already too cool to worry about it. BTW – my crush is on Huell Howser – heavy sigh.
I’m going to pretend that I didn’t see John Pruitt’s comment cause he read my mind.
You’re not cool darlin baby girl, you’re hot, and every single person who has ever read you, seen you in person, talked with you on the phone or served you a cup of coffee would agree with me.
As I am wont to say, were I a guy, Chad would have to fight me for you. [and I bite]
ps to Becky…when she put me on the “cool girls” list on twitter I laughed and laughed. I am so NOT cool. But I love the idea.
[about to prove my point...]
The only thing that Tim missed on his Darlin mix was The bee gees singing Oh Darlin….I LOVE that version, it makes me go get dry und…. Um….well you get the idea……
Wow, I’m not cool nor hot!
If these things make you “cool”, I’m not.
1–I don’t text. PERIOD.
2–What is Mad Men? Must be a TV show because that is what Glee is, right?
3–I NEVER know what to wear. I think I wait until the last minute to get dressed so I am basically “stuck” with whatever I throw on because I have no time to change. The fashion police have me as the #1 Most Wanted!
4–OMG! I love those things too. You should see all my books. And I have little packets of them all over the house.
5–I didn’t miss Lost, I had no interest in it. As I told someone earlier today, I really thought “LOST” was the description for the writers of that show.
6–Yeah, not a Barry Manilow fan, but I married one.
7–I like the boot cut, I used to wear cowboy boots. Ok, they were DANCE boots, but still, I had to get my jeans over them.
8–Ok, then . . . .
9–I know who Taylor Swift is because my friend’s daughter wanted a Taylor Swift doll so I looked it up. I don’t know who Justin Bieber is. And I know who Lady Gaga is because of FB. Someone suggested my friend get her haircut like that, so I looked it up, then I heard, “Just Dance” and bought the album. Love it.
10–Ok, then . . . .
I’m not cool, but I am cool with being not cool. So I guess, I’m cool. Heck yeah!
Darlin’, you are most definitely cool in my books. Or, as my daughter would say, awesome pawsome :)
Charlotte, actually, all the writers I know are pretty damn cool, you’re right. (And thank you!)
Bobby, you need a music blog. That would be awesome.
LLF, the one thing I am pretty insistent on is comfort. Where I have trouble is knowing how dressy or casual to be, and, really, all my favorite shoes are not dressy at all. When I’m rich (oh yes, it will happen), I will hire you to come over and give me a closet makeover. (Had to look up Huell… think he’s a little younger than Bob.)
Karen, you crack me up! And if I were a boy, Chad wouldn’t like me as much, so I’d run away with you. (Aww, how cute are we?) I’ve got the Bee Gees on You Tube as I type. ;-)
Terre, Well, yay! And who says you aren’t hot, baby-cakes? John does nothing but tweet about your hotness all day. Well he used to… back when he did things other than work all the time. Remember the good ol’ days? ;-)
Belle, Where have you been??? Oh, and thank you, darlin’.
the world famous closet makeover is actually free and to be sure – the offer wasn’t extended because I thought you had stepped off the fashion train ;-)
Well even if you’ll do the work for free, we’ll need money for clothes, girlfriend. (I think I might never have been on the fashion train!)
I VOTE you change the title of this post to:
“10 Reasons I think I’m Not Cool” because we all think (I’m comfortable speaking for the group on this) you are WAY cool. So . . . . fix it, its broken.
Yeah, what Terre said!
j brings the cool back to uncool!
(well, except for the Bob Barker thing. I will forgive you for that)
I thought I totally out uncooled you. First, I never texted a day in my life. I’m a virgin.
Second, I’m unfamiliar with all of 2 and 9 except Kris Allen; he’s the reason I’m not watching Idol this year. Holding a grudge.
And speaking of 9, I don’t even Twitter, which makes me even more uncool.
But you had to save the best for last, didn’t you? How can anyone beat that?
Terre, You’re so cute.
Hippiechick, You’re cute too. And… before Walker pointed out the fly in my ointment, I thought he was noble… and old. I really go for noble and old. And Jon Stewart. (Oops, did I just type that aloud?)
Tricia, All you Bob Barker haters! What is the deal? (Does my picture with Michael Chabon make up for it?)
Oh, I like this. Terre is speaking for me now. Well, make sure to say something incredibly clever, disagree with any post about fear and do it all with an English accent (I always wanted one of those) — haha!
by the way, for a definition of “cool” look at Terre’s picture!
by the way again, here’s an imitation of Huell Howser…”well, here we are in Podunkville, watching paint dry. Ohhhh myyy, isn’t this interesting!!” — I gotta say, I get sucked into his show every time I am flipping thru the channels!
Oh, Bobby, I was only speaking on a matter I felt confident. I could never deliver anything half as clever as you. And my accents are even worse than my “clever”.
Can you feeling fist to Barry Manilow? I’m a sucker for lame songs, not really Barry’s…Richard Marx anyone?? Meanwhile you’re always cool with me…just don’t wear the “mom jeans” ;)
Who needs to be cool?!
I’ve never knowingly been cool and have lots of little flaws (ok, some not so little), but that’s what makes us who we are! Embrace who you are J! :-)
Renae, I can feeling fist to anyone. …Okay I’ve never tried to do a feeling fist to Manilow, I admit, but I think it’s possible. (Not like Pat Benatar, but possible…)
RSM, Oh, I do. I just wondered if all this uncoolness I’m embracing might actually be cool after all.
I thought you were cool the first time I saw Zebra Sounds. My opinion hasn’t changed as I have gotten to know you a little better. Keep learning and growing and you will always be cool.
You got me in the end and I think you are VERY cool that you have a little crush on Bob Barker!!(I used to have a little crush on Johnny Carson)
Guess I am not cool, either:
1. I don’t even know HOW to text. Heck, I don’t even know my own cell phone number and my daughter has it Dymo-labled on the back of my cell phone for that reason.
2. I have never seen Mad Men and have no idea why Heidi Montag is famous, but becasue I am the mother of a 14 1/2 teenage girl, I have watched Glee and know who Kris Allen is.
3. I always boringly buy BLACK shoes and sandals. I am in an uncool rut.
4. I am too unorganised to even think of what to do with those post-it tabs
5.I have never watched Lost so can never join in the Lost conversation at work and thus feel very uncool.
6. I often have “The Copacabana” stuck in my head as an earworm, but with the Weird Al lyrics instead(the Star Wars spoof)
7. I finally bought some COOL “skinny” jeans but I fear this 47 year old lady might look a bit uncool in them…..
8.Awww…I love it when my husband calls me “Dear”(but he always calls me Darlin’ when he is trying to calm me down when we are beginning a fight and that makes me get even angrier for some reason–not cool)
9.I don’t need Twitter(I have never even checked out the Twitter page) to tell me who Lady GaGa and Justin and Taylor are(again…my 14 year old daughter )
10.Yeah…you are very cool,and this blog is a bonanza(is it uncool to use that word?) of great writing and interaction and interesting comments from your cool readers and I should come here more but it’s almost too tempting and I could spend way too much time here. But..today, before I leave for work I am indulging in some Zebra Sounds.