Earlier this month when I went to hear Chris Edgar talk about his book, Inner Productivity, he said something that struck home for me… uncomfortably. He was talking about procrastination, and he said it is often on our most important projects – the ones with the most pressing deadlines, and sometimes even the ones about which we feel most passionate – that we find ourselves perfecting the art of procrastination. (Okay, those are my words, not his. He probably wouldn’t call it an art, but I know the truth.)
“Why is that?” he asked, “because you’d think it would be then, when the stakes and potential gains are highest, that we would buckle down and do the work that needs to be done, but we don’t.” (I have to say, I liked his use of the word we. It was reassuring given the message was starting to feel like one tailor-made for me.) Inwardly, I nodded, I sat up, I listened. “Yes, why?” I cried (only not aloud).
He said there are a lot of reasons, and he named quite a few, but the arrow that pierced me dead center was “fear of failure.”
Because while it’s true that not writing the book, not performing the piece, not painting the picture or tackling the difficult assignment, is, in itself, a sort of failure, it is different than trying… and sucking. If you don’t try, you can tell yourself how good you would be if you did try. Maybe you have great friends who’ll back you up. “You should do it!” they’ll say, because friends are awesome that way, and you’ll love their faith in you, and as long as you don’t actually do it, you are made of the potential they see in you. You are nothing but the possibility of brilliance. (Of course, there is that other possibility – that you’ll fail miserably – but if your friends are telling you that, you need new friends.)
So sitting in the back row, all sort of hunched over and guilty, I knew Chris was talking to me even if he didn’t say it, and I knew I didn’t want to be that person who writes half a novel during Nano (because 50,000 words is only about half of a literary novel), but never goes back to write the rest. Or the kind of person who writes an entire novel, receives excellent, encouraging feedback from a publisher, and then never does the revisions he suggests. Or the person who… well, never mind. You get the picture.
So, in the last couple of weeks, I’ve gathered some writing partners who will be meeting with me weekly and monthly. We will share our goals, in some cases our writing, and we will hold each other accountable. I’m very nervous about this. And also VERY sure it’s the right thing to do.
But this isn’t a post for writers, encouraging them to get partners. Or at least, it’s not just for writers. What I’m learning is the value of setting a goal and saying it aloud. To someone. Or lots of someones, if you have a blog. I’m convinced that the thing that got me through Nano was the knowledge that you all knew what I was doing. You encouraged me, but you also (maybe without even knowing it) held me accountable. I did not want to come back and tell you I didn’t finish.
Chris Edgar has some awesome techniques for getting in the zone with your work, but for me, that comes after I make the commitment… and tell someone about it. Oh, and something else. I’m learning that the things I’m most hesitant to commit to publicly are often the things I’m the happiest to have done. (Like Nano. And this blog. And the super cool creative blog project I’ll be starting in February!)
Yeah. That was a tease.
Oh you tease! ;-)
seriously though, another great post J!
I get the wlie fear of failure thing, used to feel it a lot.
But I overcame it at work simply through lack of a choice!
I support a multi million pound system with thousands of users, processing payments and policies totalling a large sum!!
So working with it means there us a risk to everything I do.
That focuses me to put in extra effort to save me any embarrassment.
Plus as someone in healthcare reminded me when I moaned after a bad day at work, “did anyone die today at your work? No? Not such a bad day then is it?!”
I’m so excited for you to be embarking on another adventure! Two adventures – your new writing partners and your project at FearOfWriting.com. You can do anything you set your mind to – you’ve got super powers. Just look at how great your first quiche turned out. ;-)
RamblingScotsman: I would often ask myself that question when I worked in the corporate world and I had made a mistake. Although I felt awful it was usually fixable and no one ever died.
And, I bet no one would die if you tried something, J, and didn’t succeed. But to me success is in the trying! I like to celebrate whole hearted effort, not so much half-assed effort, but whole-hearted effort, to me, deserves acknowledgment and celebration. And then if the task is a success, there are major sparkles to that celebration (and whooping, lots of whooping!!!) :-)
Good for you in getting together a group to assist you. You are so sparkly!
You’re brilliant j. Everyone sees it. I can’t wait for everyone to read as well.
As usual your post hits me on multiple levels. You have exposed so many of the growth-edges that I grapple with. Fear of success prevents me from completion of many things more than fear of failure. There are so many reasons why this is so and so many more reasons for moving on despite my history around this fear.
“Just do it” and “smash the rear mirror” are mantras that help in steering me towards completion of precious goals. As you suggest, making your goals public through announcement does keep us on track and should be highly recommended.
Supportive networks are also so valuable and I have joined a group of other women who own small businesses and have become “think partners” extraordinaire.
Judy, I so celebrate your open and generous spirit and can’t wait for your new creative blog project. Your encouragement, example and
passion is so much appreciated.
Warmest Hugs,
Marsha
RMS, Well that certainly puts it into perspective, but after the fact. I don’t think telling myself no one will die if I fail to finish my novel will quite be the push I need to do it. Public humiliation? That’s a push. ;-)
dh127, A friend and I made two quiches yesterday (your recipe, though he threw in some extra spices because he is not afraid of such things). I strongly recommend cooking with friends. Much more fun that way. And thank you. You are so one of my empowering friends!
Yeah, I kinda rambled off topic there, I do that! ;-)
I like when you do that. It’s one of your charms. ;-)
Hi Judy,
What a fantastic blog, and post– and I love the zebra sounds title. Wonderful. You have a great site running here, and I look forward to following you and your new ventures. So glad you pushed past procrastination and put your voice into the blogosphere in terms of your blog.
Make it a great writing day,
Jennifer
Terre, I agree totally about celebrating wholehearted effort. And I think you’re all the more awesome to be able to do that from the outset. I’m finding it easier and easier to leap, but telling people my goal… that keeps me in the game until I get to the end. (When I reach nirvana-level sparkly, the knowing I gave it my all thing will be enough!)
Becky, I need sitting on my shoulder saying things like that all day long. K?
Marsha, I so want to talk to you off blog, because I’ve never quite understood the fear of success but I know it’s real. I wish I had that because it implies a certain deep seated confidence I don’t always have, and yet I think it is just as debilitating sometimes. Maybe we’ll email this conversation. I LOVE “smash the rear view mirror”!
Great post. I think he was talking to me, too. Good to unmask procrastination for what’s really going on.
As noted in your review of my book, “Snap Out Of It”, my empathy for those that base their decisions from a place of fear is not very high.
In my latest book, “WAY TO GO J FOR PUTTING IT OUT THERE” I am sure you will find more of a ‘pat someone on the back”/ knew you could do it allll along element’ in there for those that attempt any venture without a negative learned behavior blocking their path!
Oh, make sure to re-read “Every Opportunity Leads To Another Opportunity” when you have a chance. I still think that was some of my best work!
Jennifer, Hi praise from you with the beautiful blog! So happy to see you here!
Kathy, True. My distractions are serving a purpose, just not the one I’d like to serve.
Bobby, Way To Go J… is your best book EVER. (Although I’m rather fond of Every Opportunity Leads to Another, too.) Let’s have joint signing parties. (If we have them at your rooftop pool, we can cross an item off my life list.) :-)
I read recently that being fearless doesn’t mean being without fear, it means not being driven by fear. I think that’s operating for me right now.
I don’t think I’m afraid of failure — I think I might have wrestled that to the ground by being willing to feel that I’ve failed, rather than resist it. That helps me not feel like I’m a failure at life.
But I do think I have a reluctance to feel successful. Which is probably based on fear. So, I’m going to cogitate on that.
Hmmmmm . . .
WolfWriter – I like that. Thanks. I don’t know that it is good to live _without_ fear, so I like what you brought up:
“being fearless doesn’t mean being without fear, it means not being driven by fear”.
BOBBY – I would like a copy of your latest book, “WAY TO GO J FOR PUTTING IT OUT THERE”. :-)
After some cogitating . . . This was good to address. I think success to me has something to do with identifying my value, being willing to risk asking for it, regardless of the outcome, and not feeling guilty (or triumphant) if I get what I asked for.
I think articulating that just helped me jump over some fear.
Terre, I like that too. I think that telling people what my goal is helps move me past fear. I am reminded of this awesome tweet I wrote down because I loved it so much:
“Good work only happens in the last 10 minutes of the day when the fear of not accomplishing anything at last exceeds the fear of writing.” ~ Alain de Botton
Wolfwriter, How come your name isn’t linking to your blog? Make sure you’re logged into your blog when you comment on mine so everyone can click over and read your awesomeness.
Everyone: Wolfwriter’s blog is called Writing Shed and can be found in my “Blogs by and for Writers” list.
Very interesting post, Judy. This topic is certainly of the moment for me! The things I am most passionate about are often put off for fear of not being good enough. And then there’s the flip side, the fear of actually being good, maybe even too good. Both fears can keep us from blooming in the ways we are meant to, if we let them.
God, did I need to read that! That is my life. I have so much unfinished business out there.
I so relate to this post! what I do is different from your writing, but my fear of not being great creates a procrastinator’s rush at the last minute that equals adequate work. I think next study/analysis I design I will bore the crap out of my twitter friends by talking about it (I’ll try to leave that for early AM, before you are on :o) out of kindness) so that I’m held accountable to work on it, with plenty of time for re-writes. But seriously, thank you for this post, I may need to come back to this again to push myself. ;o)
Compelling post, j.
I think this whole notion of “fear of failure” to be an oversimplification of the answer to why we procrasinate. As a lifetime member of the procrastinator’s club, I can say that the impetus behind it can vary dramatically depending on the task. Admittedly, it is sometimes “fear of failure”, or more pointedly, for me, “fear of not doing it perfectly.” (yes, I am a perfectionist, too. What’s your point?)
I have always found it interesting, re: our committment to the bigger personal goals (not the day to day stuff). For me, the act of telling other people or doing it in public works in reverse. I am less likely to accomplish the goal…mainly because I need to feel like I am doing it for myself, not for other people. (I am stubborn like that). Something about other people’s expectations that make me want to rebel. :)
Good post, j. (As usual)
Kathleen, I’ve never had the fear of being successful or too good. I need you and Marsha to tell me more. (Because you’re both more fun than Google.)
Kevin, If you tell me them, I’ll break out my whip and hold you accountable. ;-)
Caroline, haha! DM me. Even if I’m bored, I’ll still be a task master.
HippieChick, You do not suffer from the gold star thing that I do. I’m turning my liability into an asset. So, how do you make yourself stop procrastinating and do what scares you? (I don’t expect you to come back and answer me. You’ll get no expectations from me, baby.)
I was gonna respond to this tomorrow…
Nah. Here we go. Me procrastinate. Me workum best under BIG pressure. Me stupid for doing so. Me getum ulcer from such silliness.
That is all.
As you were.
George, What can I say? You are bloggy wonderfulness. (Now stop procrastinating! I don’t like your insides churning against you.)
While I, personally, think less than nothing about the phrase “fear of failure” I bet the current administration, after that ass-kicking/ beeotch-slapping they took at the hands of the Republican party, in the senatorial election in Mass., have it scrawled onto all their notebooks this week! I’m just sayin!
— geeez, you leave up a heartfelt, meaningful, emotion laden, ZS post and it gets turned into political commentary…I blame Keith Oberman! (and all the like from network to network!ha!)
Bobby, Are you trying to piss me off?
nahhh, just watching the news last night and was completely fed up with the extreme rhetoric from one channel to the next! overly ridiculous!
Okay, I’m logged in so I hope this links to my blog. Thanks for thinking of me, Judy.
Bobby, Ah-ha. Well next time you decide to get mad about the bias, remember who’s blog you’re on and direct some equal opportunity indignation at FOX. (Or, you know, wait until I do a political post.)
Karen, that didn’t link either. Hmmm… We have technical difficulties. I’ll try to figure out what’s going on…
I’m pretty sure I said, “…from network to network” up there !?!
No matter, my message was paid for by corporate, special interest, big banking campaign money that the Supreme Court ruled was totally permissible under the law today!
or
I sure hope there is an elephant in the Caption This picture tomorrow! haha!
or
“hello, yes, I would like to make reservations for two. A special event you ask, well no, I just OWE my friend a dinner for turning her blog political!
or
darn, I clicked the wrong site. I thought sure I was writing on rachel maddow’s blog?!?
Bobby, that made me laugh. Dinner – somewhere with great wine, please.