A while ago, I read a post by Jen Lee called “The Things I Can’t Fit On A T-shirt” It’s all about how nerve wracking it can be to meet a new friend – you know, when you really like the new person, but you’re afraid they might not like you because you’ve got all your weirdness and they seem so well adjusted and normal. (It’s a great post. You should read it.)
In any case, I was thinking about it today, and it occurred to me that it would be funny if people came with warning labels. Like this would be mine:
Cranky in the morning (dangerous before coffee). May be prone to flights of fancy and bouts of fidgetiness. Inclined to argue. Clumsy, phone-phobic , easily excitable, pesky. Eavesdropper, neurotic writer, awful singer, inept stalker (but you’re safe if your name isn’t Michael Chabon). Prolonged friendship with J may cause balding.
That was fun. Your turn. And if you’re not in a warning mood, you can do a label of your more medicinal qualities.
Early riser. Noise maker. Frantic mess maker that may or may not clean it up. Single-minded, focused, avoids distractions. Selective listener. Determined, at virtually any cost. Inept speller. Mind racer. Prolonged friendship may cause increase in cholesterol, waist line, and neck size.
SPAZ MONKEY, I think therefore I am dangerous, Does it bother you that I’m ALWAYS right?, I love yardsales!, I’m the boss of the whole wide world!, Klutz Show.
I love these posts you have, like the ones of who we are and who we aren’t (which I used in my new blog description of myself).
So… let’s think of a warning label.
I should be avoided early in the morning, when you don’t want to think, read and give opinions. Easily irritable, hates public transport, slow people/the ones who stop in front of you on the street and elevators.
Can charm anyone just with a look and use it to my full advantage.
Caution:
Melts when hugged
Cheerful in the morning
Chases butterflies
Talks to strangers
Must be fed every three hours
Looks silly in hats
May be closer than she appears in the mirror
I still have to go through all of the entries, but Karen, I love yours :-)
*waves* at TpjM
Icame in to get the list cause I’m working on something related to it….and saw this comment
[felt a little like a rock star]
:0)
Walker, I like “selective listener.” I want to learn that skill. I also want you to ruin my waist line, but I’ll have to settle for drooling over pictures of what you cook.
Laura, Spaz monkey has me laughing. Actually, your whole label does. You forgot goofball.
Estrella, Thank you! I do not have the super power of charming with just a look. That’s why I always carry cheesecake in my pocket.
Karen, Don’t you love how “cranky in the morning” and “cheerful in the morning” both have to appear on a warning label? I melt when hugged too. Gets really messy depending on the hugger.
Oppose capital punishment — unless I can be in charge of it.
Survived a day on Sarah Palin’s Facebook Fan page
Do NOT waken my inner mother bear.
I don’t eat sheep; but don’t test me.
Wolf clothing is not a disguise.
Regarding the blog post you recommended… what is the phrase we were taught when we were kids?… oh yeah, “if you don’t have something nice to say about the item you utterly, vehemently, wholeheartedly disagree with or dislike its better to say nothing at all”. Hmmm, maybe that’s more of a paraphrase!?!
ok, the label on my t-shirt. Let’s go with…
“may erupt into fits of laughter over oneself, not a fan of grey days, six year old’s enthusiasm, obsessive on one thing until the next item pulls me away, use of sarcasm may appear for no reason, competitive, subjects those around to partake in life, if surrounded by stupid the wearer of this shirt may become flammable, alcohol should not be avoided while in company of the shirt wearer, if a good time lasts for longer than 4 hours with this person call the doctor to come and cocktail with us”
if all that doesn’t fit, just go with “I’m HUMAN” — it works as either a warning or for the medicinal qualities you mentioned.
Wolfwriter, Your warning label sounds like an invitation to hang out with the most interesting person in the room. ;-)
Bobby, Then don’t write ANYTHING! You forgot “can be a meanie joe-beanie” on your label. All the same, I want to have Bobby fun that lasts more than 4 hours. With that kind of time, we could test a lot of wine, swim in a rooftop pool AND pay for a lot of people behind us in line. Woo hoo!
Oh yeah, I forgot the “meanie, joe-beanie” part, darn! — Forgive me, my nerves were still “wracked” over meeting a new person last week. (I did say “sarcasm may appear” in my warning label, didn’t I??)
I wasn’t slamming the person. I say “Bravo!” to anyone that puts themselves out there for all to see. I just disagree with her approach in that post. But, for the record, let her know I like her hair the way it is!
Yeah, you shouldn’t read her. Not your cuppa. (I just learned that always means tea to a Brit. Cuppa. You heard it here.) I like her, though, so be nice, because I’ll probably agree with her again and post it here. (And I have to be able to get all soft and vulnerable without you pouncing. Unless you’re pouncing armed with music. So it’s really more of a dance move. We can talk…)
Enough of our silliness. The important question: When are you picking me up for our four hours of mischief?
I hate talking on the phone — I prefer in person but will settle for typing. I’m nosey. I love hanging with the girls — but, I’ll cancel if my kids need me. I like to be in control. I prefer to drive. My blank stare is called processing. Will travel for friendship — maybe even fly. Sometimes I just need chocolate.
Ok– that should do it for now.
oh gosh, will be happy to read your friends blog again! Hopefully I will get a chance to tell her that all the freaky people make the beauty of the world! And that she should just let her artist ways shine for all to see. Oh, and let her hair shine too — she has a cool do!
As for getting together…I have elf-duties until Christmas. But I will be making the rounds on the night of the 24th. Keep an eye out!
Becky, Travel west, woman! (So I guess having a an amazing, wonderful iPhone will not cure me of my phone aversion. Hmmm…)
Bobby, Will do.
I absolutely love this! J, your “warning” label made my day – maybe I need to have one going into meetings (…prone to drift off and not pay attention… :-) )
I’m gonna have to think about mine… Later tonight I think. Gotta read everyone else’s too. Perfect end to a brain twisting day…
TPM, I can’t wait. Let the untwisting of your brain commence. (Except for that one little part right there. I like that little twisted mass. It’s the part that drives you to ZS.) ;-)
WARNING: ex-Southern girl deprived of Cheetos and Mexican Chicken Casserole. May sing Gretchen Wilson or Tanya Tucker with no warning. Cries incessantly at sad books, movies, Hallmark and Mormon commercials and the occasional political campaign ad. May be habit-forming and keep you awake nights.
Contagiously lazy. Given to fits of chocolate. Much younger than personal chronology would indicate. Poet and fictioneer of things real and unreal, seen and unseen. Mad hugger. Frequently barefoot. Prosocial.
LG, I got Tivo so I never have to cry during a Halmark or Mormon commercial again!
LFC, You would look silly with shoes. And I like “mad hugger” as warning. I need that one too. (My warning label is getting scary long, like the side effects listed at the end of “ask your doctor” commercials. Only I wouldn’t know because I don’t have to watch commercials anymore. Did I mention that?)
What a great post! Mine would have to be:
Won’t discuss religion, politics or parenting. Sarcastic wit often taken out on her kids and husband. Runs away from those with no sense of humor or an aversion to reading.
BAHAHAHAHAHA I needed a t-shirt with this on it when talking to my sons coach. The man has NO sense of humor. If I joke about my son he looks at me like I’m a she-devil.
My label -
Perfect. Lies constantly.
Caution: Very dry wit. Must be watered well with wine.
Ooooooh, Linda. You get a very big thumbs up!
“Way too damn cheerful” in the mornings. If you don’t want a solution, then don’t ask. Quiet does not mean moody. Likes risks, tends to go for it. Slow to boil. Don’t leave dessert lying around, can consume mass quantities in a single bound.
cmw
Moonsanity, You aren’t a she-devil? :-)
dh127, Perfect.
Linda, Wolfwriter is right!
cmw, Yes. Too damn cheerful. People must be warned.
My warning could easily fit on a t-shirt. Taking from the title of an Augusten Burroughs book, my warning would say Possible Side Effects.
Dang, this is hard…
Ok, gotta come back to this one… I’ve already erased it 3 times…
Tricia, one of the side effects being uncontrollable laughter. Good to warn people.
TPM, You’re cute. Maybe you’re all medicinal!
May cause balding? Thanks for not having this label in 1968 :)
Heck-a-rooskie. Even short term friendship can cause balding. look at my avatar. Just last week I had a head of hair like Moe. – Sheesh
My warning?
Unfailing internal alarm clock, very cranky driver, the king of puns, best dad in the world.
So there.
George
John, That made me laugh! Sorry. I didn’t know it when we were tykes. It was one of those things you realize later… when all your friends start balding.
George, Your avatar needs a fedora. Let’s play dress the George Avatar. :-) And yes. People need to be warned about your punny tendencies.
WARNING: Fledgling poet. Might write poems about intimate details of your life, such as the time you lost your virginity to a bicycle seat or the STD you got last summer from the man you met on Match.com. Due to collection of indoor cats, may serve food with cat hair baked into it. Scratches crotch at inappropriate times. Secretly fears he caught your STD from the toilet seat in your downstairs bathroom.
Bryan, Ha! “Might” write poems about the intimate details of your life? You definitely need a warning label. (It’s why I don’t email you my secrets. Though, come to think of it, they’d sound better in your poems than they do in my closet. So to speak.)