For the last 13 weeks, we’ve been beckoning the lovely every Monday, and it’s been kind of wonderful for me in ways I hadn’t foreseen. I will write more about that tomorrow, because it’s cool. In the meantime, for the month of November, I’ll use Mondays to report on my crazy, ill-timed, poorly planned, probably ill-advised decision to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). I (along with tens of thousands of others around the world) have now officially begun quests to complete our 50,000-word novels in 30 days.
Sunday, November 1st, was day 1, and it was, for me, absolutely horrible!
I decided to use an idea I already had for a novel. It’s a love story that isn’t a love story, a fragile, magical union that is doomed from the start. It’s a book about love, in all of its messy, wonderful, inconvenient, imperfect, brutal, breathtaking glory. (Makes you want to read it, right?) I even wrote a bit of it months ago, but I don’t have anything that even remotely resembles a plot. What I have is roughly the first four chapters and a premise.
Seemed perfect for NaNoWriMo.
But for all the reasons that Chris Baty (brainchild of NaNoWriMo) said it would be, coming into this quest with a partially completed novel is hard. Harder than starting fresh. My first day was spent trying to remember what the hell I thought this story was about, who, besides my two protagonists, were in it, what parts of what I’d already written I actually still liked. I started writing, then stopped, backed up, started over. I included old notes, then dumped them, then retrieved them again. At the end of nearly three hours, I had almost no new words to show for my effort.
There are few things less attractive than writerly angst. I raged. I scared the dog. I cursed the heavens and Chris Baty. (Sorry Chris!) I paced and stomped and mowed both lawns. (I do that. I am inexplicably energetic in the face of failure.) I cried. I paced some more. Eventually I apologized to Lexi, found my way back to the laptop, where I forced myself to sit down, take a deep breath, and simply start typing. I clung to these words (about first drafts) from Baty:
It’s not just shit. It’s wonderful shit. A first draft is an anything-goes space for you to roll up your sleeves and make a terrific mess. It is a place where the writer’s battle plan is redrawn daily; a place where recklessness and risk-taking is rewarded, where half-assed planning and tangential writing can yield unexpectedly amazing results.
I wrote 1383 words. It was less than the goal of 1667 for Day 1, but given all the angst and writerly melodrama, I’m okay with that. In fact, my accomplishment for Day 1 lies not in the number of words I produced, but in the fact that I did, ultimately, produce words, however hackneyed they may be.
I love this tweet from one of my fellow NaNoWriMo participants (@chizeck): “You can make it good in December with a rewrite. My book is complete nonsense so far.”
Right.
Okay, j. You can do this. One day down, 29 more to go.
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And now for something completely different… I had so much fun on the “Let them sing it for you” website, where you can type in lyrics and have your computer sing them back to you. I think you should stop everything, write me a quick song and send it to zebrasoundsj <at> gmail <dot> com. I will love you forever.
Noooooo! Do not be discouraged! You have done the best thing — get your worse day out of the way right at the beginning, and now it can be better every day for the next 29. And you can check perfectionism off the list too, because you had the most perfectly horrible start and now you can just wing it! This is great news!
Yeah, you!!! (You are still my hero.)
Oh Baby, I laughed all the stinking way through this even more so since I had already seen the original meltdown at 4:00am this morning via email. Gawd you’re funny. I’m loving NaNo. The idea that I can just write whatever the hell the characters want to say and revisit it in December to revise? Heaven. It’s almost as good as pumpkin pie and I live all year for pumpkin pie in November. Now I think I’ll live all year for NaNo too, but ask me in two weeks if I’m still having fun…..It could be a whole different ball game by then. Come read my NaNo launch posting from yesterday. It’s a wee bit different than yours….and not NEARLY as funny.
love and sparkly hugs for your melted down self.
Karen :0)
oh and ps….I know you can do this thing and with ease. “I have faith in j”
gonna make a button that says that and wear it. I’ll send you a picture.
While you take this challenge on, just think of those of us who aren’t creative enough to write it, but love to read it. Melt downs have been known to have purifying properties.
Jane, You are the best nanowrimo (and otherwise) writing buddy ever! I do think there will be much more winging it and tangential “masterpieces” in my future. How was your first day?
Karen, I think college workshops beat the spontaneity and write-with-abandon right out of you. I’m hoping Nano is my savior! Thank you for laughing with me, girlfriend!
Don’t beat your optimistic self up. You are doing more than writing as you have already encouraged me to focas on my project. Thanks for the blog and wise words from Baty. Wishing you amazing results, too.
Laura, Maybe you could write a book if you did it with a 30-day deadline. Theoretically, it leaves no time for doubt. (Of course, I am a master doubter and therefore have found my way around that, but mere doubting mortals might have better luck!) Thank you for commenting. Your support means a lot to me!
Renee, Thank you! Actually, that’s cool that I’ve encouraged you! Big smile!
“hey Marge, your neighbor Judy sure has a great looking yard!” —– “oh yes, it does look great, she must be writing again!!”
There was a line up there about being energetic in the face of failure. I always figure it comes from the fact that when you lose control of one thing you try to recapture it in another. I usually go for the office- straitening- up- action when I have a project that is not going in the right direction.
Yep, always easy for people to tell when a project is killing me by how well my office looks!
I never did like that idea that first drafts are always shitty. They’re just first drafts. Kind of like our lives.
And good for you for entering it frenetically. I had that reading yesterday so decided to start it today. Who knows, I might end up with a house so clean you can use it for an operating room.
Bobby, Ha! When I first started writing, I would workout whenever I was having a bad writing day. I think I was in the best shape of my life! May your office be messy!
Karen, “Just like our lives.” Like that. I think I like Anne Lamott’s shitty first draft essay because it gets to the heart of my problem in an easy-to-remember sound bite! (I’m a simple girl.)
I admire each and every NaNo participant for signing on for this!
Wish I had that much confidence, as I barely get enough to write short stories so far (oh, if you’re in the mood for a belated Halloween read, check out my recent #fridayflash http://bit.ly/3GZthH I’d love to see your opinion too).
But then again… who knows, maybe next year :)
Loved you funny take on your writing day 1!
I’m so happy you ended up producing words, and you were very close to you goal there too.
Break a leg!
Rah! Rah! Rah! You Go J!!!
Karen, “I have faith in J” <– I love that. I'm a big mushball right now!
Estrella, Thank you for the encouragement! I will go read your link right now before I do the next thing.
Terre, You look great with pompoms!
You scared the dog? Shame on you! But now that you are in the groove:
Go Judy go,
nano nano nano!
“a love story that isn’t a love story, a fragile, magical union that is doomed from the start. It’s a book about love, in all of its messy, wonderful, inconvenient, imperfect, brutal, breathtaking glory. (Makes you want to read it, right?)”
Actually, yes, it does make me want to read it. Now stop with the yard work so you can finish it. No pressure.
Tim, I know. I did feel bad. Lucky for me she’s a forgiving sort. Thank you for the cheers!
Tricia, That is a perfect comment. I have nothing to add. (Except, thank you.)
I loved those lines you wrote about writerly angst! My boss had to write a speech that would entertain and/or at least appease 500 people at that conference I attended at the beginning of October (and then deliver it). I asked him how he did it (when he read me what he’d finished about 2 weeks before the conference) and he said ‘oh, believe me, the first few drafts were absolute crap’ . . . I’d love to share your post with him sometime. He managed to get the only standing ovation at the conference opening (even over the professional comedian) and there were a handful of people in that audience that I do not think were wishing him well. I am envisioning the same for you (well, a virtual standing ovation anyway :-) Go Judy, Go Judy!