A while ago I read about something called negative bias. I knew about it already, personally. Intimately. I just didn’t know there was a name for it. Simply put, it is this: “People react to the bad more strongly and persistently than to the comparable good.”
I read about it first on Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project blog, and I have to say it was kind of a relief. I had assumed the problem was unique to obsessive, gold-star seeking perfectionists. Or maybe, unique to writers. (I am dually afflicted.) As it turns out, negative bias is a well-documented psychological phenomenon. In fact, it is how we’re made.
According to Psychology Today, our “brains are simply built with a greater sensitivity to unpleasant news. The bias is so automatic that it can be detected at the earliest stage of the brain’s information processing.” The theory is that our capacity to weigh negative input so heavily probably evolved as a means of keeping us out of harm’s way. It was more important, prehistorically speaking, to dodge the hungry carnivore than smell the pretty flowers.
All well and good when we’re sharing cave space with the critters, but what does it mean for us now? What are we supposed to do about the fact that our brains react more strongly, with greater surges in electrical activity, to negative versus positive stimuli?
Studies have shown that within a marriage there is an optimal balance between negativity and positivity in the atmosphere between partners. Happy, healthy marriages maintain a 5 to 1 ratio. Five “attaboys” for one “aw shit,” because our brains don’t assign equal weight to each.
While I couldn’t find anything that said the same ratio is optimal outside of marriage, I see no reason why it wouldn’t be. So here’ my thought. We all need to consider what we say and how we say it. Over the weekend I read a post that encouraged people to speak their mind, and I agree that it’s not a good idea to keep everything bottled up. On the other hand, before you tell someone how seriously they suck, think about it. It will take at least five compliments to make up for your “honesty.” Make sure it’s worth it. If you’re going to inflict that kind of damage, make sure it’s important.
And if you decide it’s not, I suggest redirecting your energy. Go find someone you like and say something nice. Be one of their five good things – an angel instead of an ass.
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And now for something completely different… Off The Mark, Writer cartoons! There are plenty more where this one came from!
Wild
Words to live by! I wish I’d heard them a long time ago, and I’ve definitely seen them at work in office life too. It might be easier to resolve the deficit in Sacramento than fixing things when this gets out of balance. Only question is, just 5?
Great post!
Hello Judy,
I can make sense of what you’re saying. It seems more important to pay attention to something potentially harmful than something pleasing. But what about those people who only see danger and negativity? I read something this morning that said, “We are what we repeatedly do!”. So, I guess that means that if you are always thinking about negative things, you become a negative person. Maybe without realizing?
Our high school basketball team actually had a parent workshop on this very subject. Although I think I remember the ratio being 7 to 1. The basic message was: if you want to correct something about your son’s game, make sure you say 7 things that he did good for the one correction. Lucky for my son I don’t really know basketball, so everything he does on the court is amazing to me!! But the advice was great and definitely words to live by… I have carried it over to other areas of parenting and teaching.
I’ve heard it described that we will yank our hand out of a flame faster than we’d put it into a soft fluffy warm towel. I’ve found it to be true in business and personal affairs. I try to best it by moving towards the fluffy quickly, but still, there are issues.
Tim, I’m thinking maybe some of us require more positives to make up for the negative. I’ve never written a story that everyone in a workshop or critique group liked. And it’s always that one who didn’t (well, hopefully only one) that keeps me up at night.
Annette, You’re definitely right. As recipients of day-to-day stimuli, we should all be trying to focus on the good stuff. But knowing there’s a biological reason why that’s hard should make us think twice about being the negative stimuli for others.
Lisa, Maybe it’s 7 to 1 outside of marriage… I couldn’t find a stat on that. “Lucky for my son I don’t really know basketball, so everything he does on the court is amazing to me!!” made me laugh. Sign of a good mom!
John, Is that similar to catching more bees with honey?
[phone rings] Hello Preacher? It’s the choir…..
Lovely post ma’am. And it can’t be said enough.
Stand on something tall in your front yard and yell it out to folks. PLAY NICE!!! You’ll be SO CUTE while you do it. [especially if you wear a tiara]
The golden rule isn’t the golden rule for nothing.
Karen :0)
Thank you, Karen! I am cute when I preach!
When my four sons were young, their pediatrician reminded me of this every time I was in his office.
And Judy, your critique group comment really hit home with me. I’m “dually afflicted” too.
I’ve been to a couple of pretty positive Joan Baez concerts, I’m not too keen on negative bias though.
Loved the cartoon J. Been there, play-doughed that.
Kid
Linda, at least now we know that we are genetically predispositioned to worry about the negative reviews!
Kid, You’re a punny guy!
hi, judy.
i just wanted you to know that for a while i’ve been reading your blog and you never fail to put a smile on my face.
i was looking through youtube and saw this video, and thought it just might put a smile on yours.
with props,
jessie:)
Jessie, That totally made me smile. I’m still grinning. Thank you! (Feel free to send me smiles anytime!)
That John Pruitt cracks me up — moving towards the fluffy ;-) hahaha He’s probably the only person that would think to say such a thing. No wonder he caught such a righteous Babe like Terre — ;-) hehehe
I love that Jessie (with the amazing compliment) sent you a Cake video because they are an awesome band — do you already know of them?? Like them?? If not, I wish I’d thought to tell you about them because they have humor and intelligence in their lyrics (as you do in your writing) . . . here is a song I looked up after watching the one that Jessie sent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vd34vJohGXc
They did a remake of the song “Guitar Man” by Bread that is really beautiful, better on CD than on the video. You should get one of their CD’s if you don’t already have one. And I’m glad Jessie reminded me to get mine out again ;-)
Very nice post! I’m guessing it’s somewhat like this with deeds too, or is that a bit higher ratio? From personal experience I know how hard it would be for some people to make me forgive some of their words and many of their actions…
Judy, your endlessly inventive, creative – great post!
Carey, I’d heard of cake, never watched a video, though. Jessie’s was particularly funny because, metaphors aside, I NEVER want to leave before the end of the movie. I have a iTunes gift card. I will check them out.
Estrella, Yeah, I’m thinking for some people, it takes more than five nice things to make up for the yuckiness.
Darren, Jessie ended my yesterday with a smile, and you started my today with one. Thanks!